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This is the terrible terrible case of corporate
identity crisis. I guess in attempts to diversify or lighten the corporate
tax load, this company has chosen to give it's own name, many subtitles.
This isn't such a bad thing until you understand how it can be a problem
which I will elaborate upon, because I was (and probably still am) a
victim of this corporate boogerhead behavior.
For years I have never been a fan of Verizon.
They are the pinnacle of corporate takeover and removal of consumer
choice. I'm not the authority on the telecommunications industry and
I barely understand how the packets of data get to my DSL router and
into my computer or how my voice gets through a phone line and to my
pizza delivery service. I almost consider it magical. It would almost
make you think that anyone subscribing to any number of Verizon Whatever®
service would look like this (taken from my collection of stupid technology
marketing generation X pictures collected from corporate boogerhead
technology websites):
  
But in reality, we all know that
this is not true. I would say the first image is spewed up there to
give one the impression that Verizon gives a crap about race and diversity.
Does anyone think they really care? A phone signal knows no colour or
race. The second picture could make you think that getting Verizon
Whatever® service would make you jump for joy! In reality she
is probably on her knees, begging for a dial tone after 12 days of having
no service for paying her bills on time for 3 years (that has happened
to me). And of course the third picture looks like it may be a Latino
girl... perhaps. Once again, trying to play the diversity card. (Does
a phone care what colour or race ear you have when you press it against
a receiver?). These stupid pictures of people splattered all over websites
is a whole other topic. Clip art marketing images is something I've
planned on covering for a long time (and I may just do that) but for
now, these are the images that presented themselves on the Verizon
Whatever® website.
Verizon hasn't been a very good
friend of mine. In my old apartment I went without phone service for
12 days for no reason at all. It was not uncommon to come home from
work once a week and have no dial tone. This is a great way to reward
somebody who pays their bills on time. At this time my service was OnePoint
Communication which became Verizon "Avenue" which sucked.
When I moved, I was thrilled to be rid of Verizon "Avenue"
and I was overjoyed that I could start an account with regular old "Verizon".
I thought this would end my random disconnect and lack of service problem.
BUT... (read on).
Well, I went to pay my bill last
month, and it said I could pay online. I thought, "GREAT! I can
go to a nifty website, log in, give away all my personal private information,
and pay with a check routing number and look at all those pretty generation
X clip arts (like the ones you see above)." SO, here was the problem:
1. My paper bill said, "Verizon".
2. The website link to pay my bill
online was to "Verizon Avenue".
3. The website that it linked to
came up with a "Verizon Voyager" logo.
I freaked out and wrote the following
email to Verizon:
WHO
ARE YOU PEOPLE!?
First
of all, i used to use OnePoint Communications. The service was terrible.
Eventually, this became Verizon Avenue. I was never late on a bill
and yet I had to deal with frequent disconnects of service. I recall
one time when my own service (not related to the community) was off
for 12 days. It was a great inconvenience.
One
day, I had a chance to finally move to a bigger apartment in the same
community. This was my big chance to start an all new phone service
with Verizon (regular not avenue). I've had good service with Verizon
in my new apartment. I've been happy.
About
2 months ago, I got a call from a phone salesperson from Verizon who
was selling Caller ID service. I said YES to caller ID service to
be added onto my current service. With this agreement, the person
on the phone mailed me a small white telephone with a caller ID window.
Upon hooking up the phone per instruction, I noticed I was receiving
caller ID only once in a while and the rest was gibberish. I thought
I had a bad phone. As it turns out, the phone that was sent lasted
me
about 2 weeks before it totally ceased to operate. Life was good at
the time, so I didn't really care about it.
Last
week, upon receiving a pay check, I thought, "you know, maybe
it's time to get a caller ID phone or box seeing as I am paying for
the service." To my knowledge I had caller ID service at this
time. I go to my local department store, and buy a fabulous caller
ID phone. I bring it home, hook it up, test it out, and NO DATA. I
wanted to call verizon right away and figure out what was wrong. I
remembered receiving an email from Verizon stating my bill was ready.
I went to my email to find some sort of customer service number. What
I saw on the email frightened me. It was sent by my original service
provider from my old apartment "VERIZON AVENUE". I was LIVID
to say the least. Then upon further scrutiny, I noticed the link that
was offered to pay my bill was to Verizonvoyager.com. I was completely
confused.
For
a moment, I was beginning to think I was schizophrenic or even (gasp)
the major corporate conglomerate known as Verizon was schizophrenic.
I called the number immediately and the gentleman on the phone answered
as "Verizon Avenue". I didn't know how to react.
I
replied, "Um, just who the hell are you? I have a paper bill
here from Verizon, I have an email announcement to pay my bill from
Verizon Avenue, and this email announcement tells me to go to a Verizon
Voyager website to pay my bill. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!!??!?!"
Now
the results from the call:
1.
I never had caller ID service (why-i do not know because i was told
that i would have caller id service).
2. Apparently, because i moved across my apartment community, I'm
still under the poorly performing umbrella of Verizon Avenue
3. Verizon Voyager is a DSL service to which I never subscribed (and
at this point will never subscribe).
SO,
the nice gentleman on the phone gave me caller ID service in some
sort of stupid "money saving" package I dont understand
and will never understand because verizon (whatever verizon) doesn't
itemize the services on their paper bills. (And really how could spending
money be "money saving"-if i really was saving money, i
wouldn't be spending it right?)
So
i guess this corporate monopoly known as verizon whatever® is
my new phone service. I must admit, that now i'm completely terrified
to pay my bill as I have no idea who is getting the money and if the
money is going to the right place.
Maybe
your people should call me and give me a "corporations are good
for america" counseling session because I do not understand what
you are trying to do, much less how the hell it benefits your customers....namely,
me.
Let
me know when your identity crisis is over so I can pay my bill.
Are
you people high or just incredibly stupid?
Thanks!
Needless to say, I've been bombarded with email
apologies requesting that I call Verizon Whatever® and sit
on their "on hold call queue" waiting for them to come on
the line and apologize to me (does this make sense or is this completely
stupid?) Also they seem to think that I'm very interested in their DSL
internet service now. This is why I created the Verizon.wav
file years ago and still use it regularly.
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